I see you because I have been there.......
The pain in your eyes and the weight of the world you carry.
The smile that tells the world you are okay but inside you are hurting.
Each day taking care of everyone else but in turn draining yourself because you have to be the strong one.
But when you finally do decide to take care of yourself, you are filled with guilt.
Guilt because people need you, and someone else is hurting more, how dare you think about yourself.
To numb this pain you then self-abuse, maybe without even realizing it.
It doesn’t help though, it just makes it worse.
That hate that you felt for yourself before just grows along with your waist size.
Now filled with anger and shame that you got this way.
Feeling out of control with your body and life, and helpless to ever feel free from this heaviness on your heart, mind and body.
If you were close enough to me, you would have seen 2-4 years ago I had no eye lashes. On top of using food to numb and hurt myself,
Josh
noticed I had started to pull my eyelashes out. Sometimes I knew I was doing it, I had the strongest urge to do it even though It hurt and I immediately regretted it afterwards, and sometimes it was completely mindless. I knew deep down why I was doing it though. The inner pain was so much that I was inflicting physical pain, but every time I would look in the mirror or go to do my makeup the shame and regret of doing that would add to the already overwhelming inner pain I was feeling. I was making the same choice with food. I would use food to not only numb but to cause physical pain to replace the hurt I was carrying inside. But once again, every time I would see myself in the mirror or look at my body, I was filled with shame and deep sorrow for what I did to myself.2 years ago I finally started facing the hurt instead of suppressing and adding to it.
I forgave myself and I started healing the heaviness on my heart.
It was hard but so was living the way I was living.
I took back control and the following then happened:
*Very quickly my eye lashes grew back and the urge to pull them disappeared
*I became friends with food instead of using it as a weapon
*I actually started to LOVE looking in the mirror and at my body
*My body then released 100+lbs of physical weight but so much more that I was carrying in emotional, mental and spiritual weight
What hard are you choosing?
I chose my new hard and its been rewarding beyond my wildest dreams!
Let me help you take back control, because I can promise this new way of doing life is freeing not only for your mind and heart but for your body as well!
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