Codependent on makeup

When I was growing up I heard from several people, girls and boys that I was ugly, like freaking constantly. Some told me I "might" be pretty with makeup so when I started wearing makeup I caked it on to cover each and every freckle and as you can see by this picture, I have ALOT :)

But I didn't do it because I wanted to wear makeup, I did it because I NEEDED to, because I put my validation and sense of worth in what others thought of me.

I desperately wanted to be loved, heck even liked, and fit in.

For years I would get up before anyone else, at family reunions, church camps, and I wouldn't swim or take any change of being seen without makeup.

I remember one day crying so hard because my concealer I used to cake on layers on my face to not see one freckle, had run out. I was terrified! I used another color I had in my makeup bag that I knew was the wrong color but I thought at least it was better then going without any makeup. 

As you can see, I had a very dysfunctional relationship with makeup.
It was incredibly toxic.
I gave my power away to makeup.
I let it own me and control my confidence.

I was codependent on makeup because deeper than that, I was codependent on what others thought of me instead of knowing my worth. And makeup in this instance made me feel valued by others because others said that I needed it. 

Ironically when I first turned 16, just a few months before meeting Josh, my aunt tried to get a neighborhood boy to take me out on my first date. He said no because he said I wore to much makeup. I remember being so confused because I only wore so much makeup in order to be liked and it hurt because the amount of makeup I wore or didn't wear didn't mean anything about me as a person. But again, I was looking outward for validation vs inward.

When I met Josh, it took awhile before I let him see me without any makeup.
I wore so much that anytime he would give me a hug, makeup was left on his shirt.
That was embarrassing but not as embarrassing as letting him see my freckles or clear eyebrows/eyelashes. 

I have obviously done alot of work around this topic alone.

I wear makeup now when I want to and only when I want to.
No longer out of need and definitely no longer for others.

I no longer fear or panic when I don't wear it and no longer care if people like my eyebrows or my "too dark mascara for a redhead" or "too much or too little" makeup.

This topic has been brought up with several clients during their healing sessions and it shocks them as they didn't realize how much was tied to something that seems so small but once they have worked through it, its a new found freedom and I LOVE guiding others through it!

If you are ready to choose things because you desire them vs need them and heal your toxic relationships with everyone and everything, come join me now for CODEPENDENT to LIBERATED AND EMPOWERED!

https://www.becomingyourownbestfriendstore.com/liberated-and-empowered